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Photography, poetry, and musings by Emily Ung.

Posts in Thoughts
#47 – Present

Nikon F90 + 28-70mm | Fujicolor Natura 1600 | @emilyyyung

It’s 1:20 in the morning, on the second day of the new year.
I’m sitting cross-legged and currently typing away at my desk.
I have a cup of (already cold) French earl grey, I’ve lit my lychee and peony candle, and Airling is playing in the background.

It’s been a great first day of the new year, and I’m so glad I can sit here at the end of the day, look back and feel happy + warm.

I usually attempt to write a reflection before the year comes to a close, but in true Emily fashion, I leave it till New Year’s Eve; it becomes too rushed and because I know I’ll take ages to finish writing, I never did get around to it for 2017. (I thought I would just take my time and look back at the year that was in the new year – so expect something a bit more reflective in the near-ish future.)

For the moment, I want to share with you a little bit of how I spent New Year’s Day.

I slept in the entire morning, eventually rolling myself out of bed and giving my body some sustenance.
I had intended on spending the rest of the afternoon tidying up my room. We were expecting family over for dinner, but they ended up arriving much earlier than I had anticipated.

As you may or may not already know, a large part of my family doesn’t reside in Sydney, and so I don’t get to see them very often. This holiday period, my uncles and aunties have all come with my cousins, and tonight they came over for dinner.

I had to run out to buy some juice, and so I took three of my cousins and my aunt out to drive to the shops. We ended up having to go to two different places because (surprise, surprise) the shops were closed at the first mall.

We made it back home and I spent some time playing cards with my cousins. Then more family arrived and I went to talk to my aunts. One aunt in particular who I’m closer to – who actually lives in Sydney but I don’t often see – hugged me and mentioned how she hadn’t seen me in a long time. We caught up and talked freely and made plans for next New Year’s Eve (heehee). Can you believe I haven’t been to the city to see the fireworks in person?! Ever?! After a total of 10 years living in Sydney?! At least, not that I can remember.

I’m the oldest grandchild on my father’s side, and there’s a decent age gap between my cousins and I – it’s a little hard to really be close to them and connect with them (if you get what I mean), especially when I hardly see them. I do make an effort though. At the same time, it’s always nice to see their cute faces and watch them shy away from me – in their eyes I’m probably more of an adult.

In saying that, because I am the age I am, I am much closer to my aunts, and I love that I can talk to them the way I do. It’s kind of like having older sisters that I never had, although there is definitely that generation barrier thing (?) that obviously exists – especially because we’re that kind of an Asian family.

Anyway, we enjoyed mum’s home cooked laksa for dinner and then had fruits + conversation/watched television. The topic of shopping and clothes came up when they were talking about plans for today. One thing led to another, and I ended up taking out bags of my old clothes for my younger cousins to sieve through and take anything that caught their eye! The three of them picked out a couple each and tried them on. It was nice to see them try on my old clothes and like the pieces – and I could help them adjust the clothes to see how they fit, and they would ask me about how to wear this or what to wear that with. I loved getting to do that with/for them.

Not long after, it was time for them to head back to my grandma’s and call it a night. We walked them out to the cars, and when I came back in and kind of looked back at my day, it brought a smile to my face.

Despite not seeing my family often, it always feels the same when we come together again. I ended off the day feeling warm and fuzzy and just really happy to see them. I’ve rambled on so much about the little details, recounting the events that unfolded, and now I’m a little lost for words to describe this feeling. I guess it’s like returning to an unfamiliar familiarity – if that makes any sense at all. Like a warm embrace you remember, one that is familiar and that you anticipate and imagine returning to, but until you’re actually in that embrace again, all you have to go off is the manifestation of your memory, and you won’t know for sure what it’s like until that moment comes. (Well, that was a little bit of a stretch. I haven’t written in ages so please forgive me)

It’s just been an amazing day spending quality time with family. I feel like I was able to just live in the moment, be present, and savour every second.

Can’t wait to see them more this week and also looking forward to my other aunty and her family coming in a few days!

I want to always remember this feeling.

Here’s to being present in life’s fleeting moments in the new year + always.

Wherever you are, be all there.

With love, Emily.

#45 – Grace

Nikon F90 + 28-70mm | Kodak Portra 400

 

A familiar flutter
A wayward dance
A wilting rose
Does so with elegance

 

Hello. Hi!

I have neglected this little space on the interweb for a long while – almost 6 months to be (kind of) exact. So, I’ve decided to pop in to say hi. Hello! I hope you’re well, wherever you are on our beautiful Earth.

I’ve been alright, although, that’s like my default answer when anyone asks me how I am. It’s a vague kind of answer, but it’s mostly the truth. Time has, as always, flown past in a blur. There are days where I feel amazing, and days where everything seems to get on my nerves, so I guess “alright” is a pretty good average. Wouldn’t you agree?

When I was last here, I talked about my first solo exhibition Bloom, and I have finally gotten around to editing and uploading the photographs from opening night! (Only 6 months late, but it’s ok.)

Here are a few snippets:

You can click here to take a gander at the full album on Facebook! All images were kindly taken by my friend Brendan Manning.

I will also be putting up the full Bloom collection in the near future, along with an updated portfolio of work + a little revamp to the site! I’ve been saying that for ages now, but I will definitely get to that during my summer break! (I now have this in writing to hold me accountable.)

In other news, I am going to Brisbane next month! I am so incredibly excited to take a much-needed breather and go somewhere slightly foreign to unwind. Brisbane was the destination of choice because of Yayoi Kusama’s Life is the Heart of a Rainbow exhibition currently showing at QAGOMA. I first heard of the exhibition while it was in Singapore earlier this year, and I knew that if I had the chance to see it, I had to grab it. And the moment I laid eyes on the exhibition poster, it was a rather spontaneous decision, but I had to go! My tickets and accommodation are booked, so if you have any recommendations on what/where to eat, things to do and places to see, please leave me a comment on this post, email me or send me a direct message via Instagram!

I plan to take some time off the socials (do a short social media detox) while being away in Brisbane – very much like what I did when I went to Melbourne 2 years ago. Going about daily life, it’s hard to realise the sheer amount of time and energy that is spent online – it’s pretty scary to think about. I’m looking forward to unplugging; to wandering aimlessly with my camera in hand; to take life even slower than I usually do; to journal and read and write; to immerse myself in art; to relax, recharge and refuel; to plan personal projects; to spend some quality me time; and to hopefully dig deep for an intrinsic motivation that I desperately need to drive change in myself.  

But for the moment, it’s come to the pointy end of the semester and I have a mountain of projects to complete in the next 2 weeks (wish me luck!).

Before I go, I just wanted to leave you with a few videos that I’ve recently discovered (click here and here).
Cheyenne is just so honest + genuine + sincere with her presence online, and I’ve fallen in love with her work, her words and her sweet soul. The first video is a reading of her poem paired with video and text and it is so beautiful – I had it on repeat for a little while because it resonated with me so much. It made my heart ache a little, and made me feel tension yet at ease. The second video is just her sitting in front of the camera and talking through her thoughts – it’s a little lengthier but I’m sure that when you watch it, it’ll resonate with you, and she dishes some really wonderful nuggets of wisdom and encouragement in the second half of the video. If you need a little encouragement or pick-me-up, I hope these videos might help in some way as they have for me!

That’s all from me, for now.
You are a wonderful something – thank you for reading x

With love, Emily.

#39 – Catch Up.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Hi there – it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Apologies for the 2-month hiatus – things have been busy, hectic and complicated in my world as of late (as I’m sure it has been with you too). Turns out I was much busier during my break than during the semester (I know, what?) and still caught up in life for the month after that – I’ve barely had time to sit down and write/do stuff. As always, time has eluded me and flown past like lightning; my memories are a blur and life is a flurry, but I’ve (kind of) rested and I’m back to share with you people lingering on the interweb what I’ve been up to – to show you the pretty pictures I’ve been taking, the places I’ve been visiting, the thoughts I’ve been thinking, all whilst trying to juggle life and its inherent pain, uncertainty, and relentless pursuit of purpose and happiness.

***

Apart from the short blurb I have under the about tab, I realised that you probably don’t know that much about me (unless you’re a friend). So while I catch you up on life, I thought why not tell you more about myself? (As I’m sure you’d be interested to read – or not.)

First thing’s first, my name (of course) is Emily Ung.

I am many things – a daughter; a sister; a granddaughter; a friend; a student; a photographer; a poet; a writer; a creative; an optimist; a perfectionist; a dweller; a thinker; an adventurer; a seeker – but underneath that all, I’m your not-so-average girl. I know that sounds like I’m being arrogant, but I say that because I’ve had many unique experiences that I don’t think many can comprehend or begin to relate to. Of course I’m not the only one going through vaguely similar experiences – as the years go by, I meet an increasing number of people whom I share common experiences with, and crossing paths with them never fails to remind me that I’m not alone, and that my feelings aren’t all that abnormal or taboo.

But let’s just rewind for a moment as I fill you in with some background information: I currently live in Sydney – where I call home but also where it pains me to be. Over the course of 21 years I’ve lived in three countries, namely New Zealand, Australia, and Singapore – where I spent the bulk of my teenage years growing up. I feel strongly attached to all three places, and all three I call home. My father is Cambodian and my mother Malaysian, and that effectively makes me a third culture kid. Although I’ve been moving around, change is still something I’m getting used to – change is always a constant, and it never is easy. As my wise friend Jovi once told me, “We’re all creatures of habit”, and I always manage to find comfort in this truth.

Now on photography: I first started taking photos around 7 or 8 years ago, but only really started pursuing photography as a creative outlet 4 years ago, and rekindling my love for film photography in the last year or so. As you may have noticed, I photograph a little bit of everything – people, landscapes, textures, flowers, floors, doors, details, seas, scenery, and the list goes on. I like to photograph moments and memories; the people, places and things I want to remember or find interesting. While the subject matter I photograph might change and evolve as I grow as a person and photographer, I think the emotions captured in my images remain consistent – that being a sense of dreamy nostalgia. My photography is a work in progress, and I know full well that I’m no expert, but I am the best at what I do – in a sense that I go about photography in my own unique style – and I will keep trying to do better. If I were to briefly describe my visual work, I would say it has a soft, nostalgic and dreamy aesthetic (but I would love to hear what you think, so let me know in the comments below!) 

Funnily enough, poetry actually found me at quite a young age. My earliest memory of encountering poetry was when I was 6 years old, as a year 1 student at Parramatta North Public School. My teacher, Ms Teasdale, had assigned us the task of writing an acrostic poem about spring (one of those poems where each line begins with a letter in the word ‘spring’). I wrote mine, and when I took my piece up to show her, she liked it so much so that she gave me a sticker and sent me off to all the other classes to share it with the rest of the school. Till this day I still remember that poem by heart – I remember the rhythm in those six lines; the happiness and pride I felt to share my words with other people. Subsequently, I wrote a couple more short poems accompanied by colour pencil drawings, which were then exhibited and awarded the principal’s award! Later on in Secondary School, I found a love for literature and my passion for poetry blossomed from there. Seven years later and here I am – creating and expressing myself the way I know best.  

If you’ve read my poetry, it’s quite obvious that I write from a place of heartache and pain – and I probably don’t realise enough just how much those sentiments actually show through. I put into words whatever it is I’m feeling and try to give structure to my scattered thoughts. Sometimes I start with a string of words, other times a fleeting feeling, or a stinging sight. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m writing about until I reach the end of it, sometimes I reach the end of a poem and I’m still as clueless as when I started. Sometimes I make realisations, sometimes I find the answers, and other times I don’t. Whichever the outcome, pursuing a train of thought and being compelled to thoroughly anaylse those thoughts (while subconsciously trying to incorporate literary techniques) forces me to think deeply and search constantly for meaning as I write (and in everyday life).

“This relentless weight of meaning / This unfair promise of always finding pattern where there need not be any”,

as Sarah Kay encapsulates ever so accurately in her spoken word poem, ‘Useless Bay’ (which you can watch here, and I greatly urge you to do so – it will hopefully give you a glimpse into the life and mind of a poet). 

People are generally quite surprised when I tell them I’m a poet (I think because it’s quite uncommon in this day and age) – whether or not that surprise is a pleasant one I am unsure. I get asked about what inspires my writing and where my words come from: the short answer is that I write from personal experience, interweaved with imagination and inspired by everything and anything around me – even the most mundane and unnoticeable of occurrences. I write poems to navigate through the hallways of my thoughts, attempting to reconcile confusion and clarity.

I write poetry because it’s my therapy.

Apart from taking photos and penning poems, I love going to cafés – often to eat alone, sip on coffee, people-watch and write. I visit art galleries/museums/exhibitions; I like to vibe out and dance to live music. I spend a lot of time in bed; I sleep too much and stay up way too late. My family and friends are most important – my unwavering pillars of strength and support – and I love to spend as much time as I can with them. I have a plethora of bad habits and outstanding flaws, but they manage to put up with them. I lust for wander; I would love to travel the world, maybe one day. I am a sucker for the cheesy and cliché – a lover of sappy romcoms, chick flicks and dramas. I swoon over pretty things, good design and the aesthetically pleasing. I love markets, fashion, and even mathematics. I play sports (basketball, touch football, badminton, swimming etc.), although not so much at the moment. I’m a mess of dichotomies, always lingering in two extremities. I steer away from the mainstream. I will always keep loving; I will always give and give, and give. I’m full of surprises; I’m what you least expect. I’m all these things and more – beyond what I could ever put in words or on paper.  

If you’ve read this far, thank you and congratulations (AHAHAHAH). I hope you’ve enjoyed following me on my journey thus far, and will continue to come along for the ride (would mean so much to me if you popped your email in on the homepage and subscribed to receive updates!).

***

A new photo of blooming magnolias marks the beginning of a new year – noise and nuance turned one at the end of August! (My favourite flowers bloom in winter – I wonder what that says about me?) I plan to give the site a little revamp and change things up a little, so stay tuned for that x

And so, this is where I’m at now: over the past 2 months I’ve had some work exhibited at the inaugural ARTas 2016 in Singapore, and showcased my first collection entitled ‘Lost and Finding’ at RAW: Sydney presents REVEAL – both such amazing opportunities that I’m very thankful for. I’ve currently suspended my course at university (which would come as a surprise to those who know me), with plans to transfer to a new course next year in pursuit of my passions as a creative. I recently landed an exciting internship, concurrently taking on new jobs and experiences to learn and grow from. I’ve still been creating and meeting new and wonderful people, while also spending quality time alone and with loved ones. Still so much backlog of photos and poems to share here, so going ahead I hope to have more time to write and get them out! Just under 2 weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday – and while it’s been daunting to think about, the world is now my oyster and I’m going to take it on with utmost fervour. I don’t have everything figured out yet, and that’s completely ok. I’ve long come to terms with failing and disappointing myself. As life would have it, I’m taking a massive detour, but I know I’ll eventually get there, and that’s all that matters – as long as I’m enjoying every step of the journey. I don’t have all the answers, and that’s ok. It’s ok not to be ok. I’ve come a long way but there’s still some time before my wounds close and I make a full recovery – I have no intention to rush the process if I want to let go completely, and let go properly. As I’ve always said,

“Let Live, Let Love.” 

And now that I’ve caught you up – run along, hustle, and I’ll see you back here soon xx

With love, Emily

#36 – I Never Told You.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

It’s been pouring with non-stop miserable rain the past two days in Sydney. The past 13 weeks have been tough at uni (what’s new?) – especially the last 2 weeks – and it’s come to the final stretch. I’m extremely excited for the winter break! I’ll have 5 weeks away from the books to relax and get on to doing a long list of creative and adventurous things I’ve been wanting to do. A lot more photography, more writing, more road trips, more food and more fun – can’t wait! I’ve also got some things planned for the blog and a couple of announcements to make, so watch this space!

If you’ve been avidly reading and following along (hello subscribers!), I’d just like to say a massive ‘thank you’! It’s incredibly humbling to know that there are people who like my work, and I really appreciate all the support – honestly. Especially when people are compelled to reach out and tell me that they really liked a particular photo or poem – means the world to me, so thank you. If you come across an image you love or words of mine that resonate with you – if my work relates to you at some level – I would love to know! I’m also open to shoots, road trips, collaborating or other exciting opportunities that will challenge and inspire me as a creative – absolutely anything! You can always shoot me a direct message on Instagram @emilyyyung or send me an email at noiseandnuance@hotmail.com.I’ve been making little waves and small victories in my creative career, and I’m very eager to share it with you (soon) and see where this all takes me.

The forecast for this week shows signs of improvement in weather conditions, meaning I can finally get out of the house (thank god). I hope it’s better wherever you are in the world and life is treating you well x.

For now, I leave you with this poem:

I Never Told You

You know,

All your insecurities

Were never meant to be

Yours and yours alone.

 

Every second thought,

Every question – without a doubt –

Involved me

And involved me completely.

 

But there was irony

In my unknowing.

 

Our choices make us,

But these choices

Are also ours to make.

 

You could have chosen otherwise – you

Made all the difference –

And believe me when I say

You’ve changed in some ways.

 

Every conscious choice you make

Still hurts me terribly,

And I can’t accept that as an apology. 

With love, Emily.

#35 – Singapore Diaries part 1.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Every little thing I missed – and more – all in 43 days.

And finally, the long awaited visual diary of my summer holiday to Singapore and Malaysia – well, at least I’ve been waiting. Heh. 

So during my break from university lectures and tedious readings and assignments and exams, and after a disgustingly disappointing semester, I worked for more dough and spent lavishly on my trip to Singapore and Malaysia.

But before I go on about my 20/10 holiday, here’s a little background:

My family moved from Sydney to Singapore when I was 10 years old. I finished primary school; started formally studying my mother tongue; went to Secondary school; played basketball; scored an ‘A2’ for Higher Chinese in the ‘O’ Level Examinations; continued on to Junior College; I was touch rugby captain; and went to Vietnam for a volunteering trip as Community Director of my team. But that’s just skimming over major events through my education. The 8 years I spent growing up in Singapore were the best years of my life – it’s shaped the woman I am today and instilled in me values and qualities that I feel I could never have gained anywhere else. Those 8 years were priceless; rich in experience, struggles and challenges. Most importantly, I’ve had the luck and privilege of meeting lifelong friends that I thank God for everyday that they choose to stay and stick by me.

Sadly, my time there was cut short and, as you could imagine, I was anything but willing to leave. I’d been looking forward to this trip for 2 years – since the last time I visited – and the day finally came for me to return to the little red dot I call my second home.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Stepping foot on Singapore soil reminded me once more how homely this place was to me – and how dearly I missed this second home of mine. Boy, did I forget how humid it is in Singapore – I never used to complain about it as much when I was living there, but this was next level humidity. 

My flight landed earlier than scheduled and so when I came out of the arrival hall, I watched as my friend Vivienne arrived at the airport unaware of my early touchdown. She was on her tiptoes, eagerly peering through the glass and anticipating my arrival. She always brings with her 2 large takeaway cups of my all-time favourite bubble tea from Koi – one for me, and one for my brother. I sneak up behind her and she gets the biggest surprise; and as I give her the biggest hug, I realise just how long it’s been since we last saw each other. I take the first sip of my drink and I immediately go, “this is what I’ve missed.” 

Returning to a place that holds so many of my memories allowed me to reminisce and revisit the experiences I missed – although a little different from the past. It has also allowed me to create new memories and make some realisations along the way – which I’ll be sharing over the course of these part-by-part visual diaries. 

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

An oddly familiar displacement:

It’s an incredibly surreal feeling being back in Singapore. It’s not completely foreign, but I’m having to relearn and adjust (I forgot how humid it is here). Having two places to call home and be strongly attached to is quite confusing at times – but I’m looking forward to the next month and a half and making the most of the time I have with my loved ones.

Catching up with friends was my number one priority – and so that’s what I did. From the night I arrived till the day I left, I made sure I had my schedule filled so I could see as many people as possible, and spend as much time with them as I could. If I could be outside – or anywhere at all – with my friends, that’s where I would have been – which meant I virtually spent very little time at home. Of course I was tired, but at the same time I was happily tired. I’d like to think that I savoured every minute, treasuring the little time my friends and I shared having fun and catching up. We didn’t have to go anywhere fancy or do anything special. I was more than happy to just grab some food, sit and talk – in fact, that’s all I really wanted to do. You see: being miles away from my closest friends has made it hard for us to always be connected and constantly in the loop with each other’s lives. Video calls and messages don’t come anywhere near physical presence and face-to-face interaction. I always wish I had them here with me – to help and to hold me, and to share my happiness with and be my company.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

It was a very surreal feeling to be back – at times I couldn’t really believe I was where I was; at times it hadn’t felt like I had been away for the past 2 years. Everything was second nature to me. The familiarity was definitely there. And it felt good, but still very surreal.

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

I still remember my trip to Singapore over 2 years ago: when I first saw my friends again and couldn’t help but cry (cc: Yunwei), or start to well up inside. I’d feel overwhelmingly excited and a little bit nervous to see them again, and then I realise quite subconsciously just how much I miss these people. We would just be sitting around a table having lunch, or walking around shops, or taking the bus together, but I would always be momentarily drawn away by my thoughts. It would dawn on me that I wouldn’t share a meal with them, or go shopping with them, or talk to them in person for some indefinite period of time, and I’d go quiet and teary again.

This past week I’ve realised this:

That sometimes you don’t know how much you’ve missed someone until time and distance separates you – and when you finally reunite, there’s a surge of overwhelming emotion and you can’t help but hug them tight a few more times.

It was a really real and genuine moment. I was doing some shopping in the city and I catch a glimpse of my friend whom I have yet to see since getting back. When I realise it’s him, I tap him on the shoulder and hug him so tightly. I started crying. When I let go, I had to hug him again, and again. I missed him tremendously. His name is Chaihao and it was his 21st birthday yesterday. Happy birthday again, love you xx

Canon EOS 500N | Fujifilm Superia 400

PLACES & EATS – PART 1