Blog

Photography, poetry, and musings by Emily Ung.

Posts tagged Thoughts

Every little thing I missed – and more – all in 43 days.

And finally, the long awaited visual diary of my summer holiday to Singapore and Malaysia – well, at least I’ve been waiting. Heh.

So during my break from university lectures and tedious readings and assignments and exams, and after a disgustingly disappointing semester, I worked for more dough and spent lavishly on my trip to Singapore and Malaysia.

But before I go on about my 20/10 holiday, here’s a little background:

My family moved from Sydney to Singapore when I was 10 years old. I finished primary school; started formally studying my mother tongue; went to Secondary school; played basketball; scored an ‘A2’ for Higher Chinese in the ‘O’ Level Examinations; continued on to Junior College; I was touch rugby captain; and went to Vietnam for a volunteering trip as Community Director of my team. But that’s just skimming over major events through my education. The 8 years I spent growing up in Singapore were the best years of my life – it’s shaped the woman I am today and instilled in me values and qualities that I feel I could never have gained anywhere else. Those 8 years were priceless; rich in experience, struggles and challenges. Most importantly, I’ve had the luck and privilege of meeting lifelong friends that I thank God for everyday that they choose to stay and stick by me.

Sadly, my time there was cut short and, as you could imagine, I was anything but willing to leave. I’d been looking forward to this trip for 2 years – since the last time I visited – and the day finally came for me to return to the little red dot I call my second home.

Stepping foot on Singapore soil reminded me once more how homely this place was to me – and how dearly I missed this second home of mine. Boy, did I forget how humid it is in Singapore – I never used to complain about it as much when I was living there, but this was next level humidity.

My flight landed earlier than scheduled and so when I came out of the arrival hall, I watched as my friend Vivienne arrived at the airport unaware of my early touchdown. She was on her tiptoes, eagerly peering through the glass and anticipating my arrival. She always brings with her 2 large takeaway cups of my all-time favourite bubble tea from Koi – one for me, and one for my brother. I sneak up behind her and she gets the biggest surprise; and as I give her the biggest hug, I realise just how long it’s been since we last saw each other. I take the first sip of my drink and I immediately go, “this is what I’ve missed.”

Returning to a place that holds so many of my memories allowed me to reminisce and revisit the experiences I missed – although a little different from the past. It has also allowed me to create new memories and make some realisations along the way – which I’ll be sharing over the course of these part-by-part visual diaries.

An oddly familiar displacement:

It’s an incredibly surreal feeling being back in Singapore. It’s not completely foreign, but I’m having to relearn and adjust (I forgot how humid it is here). Having two places to call home and be strongly attached to is quite confusing at times – but I’m looking forward to the next month and a half and making the most of the time I have with my loved ones.

Catching up with friends was my number one priority – and so that’s what I did. From the night I arrived till the day I left, I made sure I had my schedule filled so I could see as many people as possible, and spend as much time with them as I could. If I could be outside – or anywhere at all – with my friends, that’s where I would have been – which meant I virtually spent very little time at home. Of course I was tired, but at the same time I was happily tired. I’d like to think that I savoured every minute, treasuring the little time my friends and I shared having fun and catching up. We didn’t have to go anywhere fancy or do anything special. I was more than happy to just grab some food, sit and talk – in fact, that’s all I really wanted to do. You see: being miles away from my closest friends has made it hard for us to always be connected and constantly in the loop with each other’s lives. Video calls and messages don’t come anywhere near physical presence and face-to-face interaction. I always wish I had them here with me – to help and to hold me, and to share my happiness with and be my company.

It was a very surreal feeling to be back – at times I couldn’t really believe I was where I was; at times it hadn’t felt like I had been away for the past 2 years. Everything was second nature to me. The familiarity was definitely there. And it felt good, but still very surreal.

I still remember my trip to Singapore over 2 years ago: when I first saw my friends again and couldn’t help but cry (cc: Yunwei), or start to well up inside. I’d feel overwhelmingly excited and a little bit nervous to see them again, and then I realise quite subconsciously just how much I miss these people. We would just be sitting around a table having lunch, or walking around shops, or taking the bus together, but I would always be momentarily drawn away by my thoughts. It would dawn on me that I wouldn’t share a meal with them, or go shopping with them, or talk to them in person for some indefinite period of time, and I’d go quiet and teary again.

This past week I’ve realised this:

That sometimes you don’t know how much you’ve missed someone until time and distance separates you – and when you finally reunite, there’s a surge of overwhelming emotion and you can’t help but hug them tight a few more times.

It was a really real and genuine moment. I was doing some shopping in the city and I catch a glimpse of my friend whom I have yet to see since getting back. When I realise it’s him, I tap him on the shoulder and hug him so tightly. I started crying. When I let go, I had to hug him again, and again. I missed him tremendously. His name is Chaihao and it was his 21st birthday yesterday. Happy birthday again, love you xx

PLACES & EATS – PART 1

Sunday Folks

Yum Cha

Public Garden Market

Cathay Cineleisure Orchard

Singapore Art Museum

Marché

Eighteen Chefs

Green Pumpkin Japanese Bakery

Haji Lane

With love, Emily.

Film photography, Fujifilm Superia 400, Thoughts, Travel, SingaporeEmily Ung31 May 2016Fujifilm Superia 400, Film, Travel, Singapore, ThoughtsComment

#34 – No end.

No End

It starts with you

The butterflies growing

The heart beating

The sparks flying

It starts with you

The palm sweating

The spine tingling

The adrenaline peaking

It starts with you

The nervous breathing

The hesitant pausing

The anxious waiting

It starts with you

The white lying

The mask hiding

The blatant cheating

The downright disgusting

It starts with you

The incessant crying

The crude swearing

The soul crushing

Death-defying

The feelings lingering

The stomach churning

The eyes burning

The heart wrenching

Truth

The downwards weighing

The heart sinking

The almost ending

With love, Emily.

Film photography, Kodak Portra 400, PoetryEmily Ung9 May 2016Poetry, Kodak Portra 400, Thoughts, Film, Film PhotographyComment

#33 – Seven Years.

Seven Years

Today,

Seven years from now,

If and when

You see me standing

Across the road from you,

Will you have the courage to

Tap me on the shoulder?

Would you have prepared yourself to see

The swelling pain in my eyes

And tell me

How you let me

Pass you by?

Could you then

Finally understand why

You never really apologised

All this time?

On this day,

Seven years down the road,

Although we would have paced

Parallel paths

And skewed streets

To get to where

We thought we wanted to be,

I’m unsure if

You would see what I see.

Today,

Seven years from now,

I hope you’ll find me

And when our eyes meet,

The distance between us will melt away

Like fog on a summer’s day.

And I hope this time

You’d choose to stay.

With love, Emily.

Film photography, Fujifilm Superia 400, PoetryEmily Ung27 April 2016Poetry, Film Photography, Fujifilm Superia 400, Film, ThoughtsComment

#32 – Road Trip / Helensburgh + Sea Cliff Bridge.

Memories in film: a road trip last Christmas.

I went on a little road trip with Jenny, Alex and Jane last year on Christmas day. We headed down south to explore Helensburgh and Sea Cliff Bridge – taking snaps along the way.

Our first stop was Helensburgh: a popular place known for an abandoned train tunnel.

It had rained on Christmas Eve, and so when we arrived (some of us wearing white shoes – clearly not the best idea), we were welcomed with muddy tracks and murky puddles that we cautiously and carefully tried to avoid by balancing on the railway tracks. Let’s just say not all of us were spared

This was my first time visiting Helensburgh and the train tunnel, and I immersed myself in deep exploration – literally wandering deep into the pitch-black tunnel. I was told that the tunnel was home to glowworms - but I must have not been paying much attention (and paying too much attention to puddles in the tunnel) because I unfortunately didn’t see any. That just means I’ll definitely be going back to visit – this time with shoes more suited for the occasion.

About an hour’s drive from Helensburgh brought us to Sea Cliff Bridge.

I know a lot of people photograph Sea Cliff Bridge from atop a cliff – a higher vantage point that we didn’t know how to get up to (but which I did visit two weeks ago – a post for that coming soon after I get all this backlog out of the way). So instead, we parked at one end of the bridge and proceeded to walk along it.

We didn’t go up, but we did find a way down – and luckily so. We were able to get close to the crashing waves without the crowd and see a different perspective of the curving bridge. There were also a lot of interesting textures and surfaces that caught my detail-oriented eye, which compelled me to capture their found and fleeting beauty.

And now I’ll leave you with six lines I wrote and call a poem – one that I keep coming back to because of it’s enduring relevance to events; incidents that remind you to be less trusting and less sentimental (which is really depressing in my opinion - why live in a world like that?). I guess lower expectations = less disappointment, but that would also imply that disappointment is inevitable.

#261 – There’s no point maintaining a one-sided friendship.

If someone doesn’t value your relationship enough to be honest, truthful and considerate; if it’s come to a point where you’re the only one that’s giving, and receiving reluctance in return; and if you’re hurting because of it, darling it’s time for you to get out. Your thoughts and effort – your heart – are much better placed somewhere else.

Honesty

Honestly,

Honesty is a sought-after commodity

That you can give but never get back;

Rather, if I told you everything’s a lie,

Would I then be lying – or have you lost track?

Anything you say to this is a lie you must retract.

Honesty is honestly always the best policy xx.

With love, Emily.